Today, I sit – numb and nostalgic,
With the cauldron of my memories before me.
And as I stir it – slowly and fondly,
Let me tell you all that I see.
I see us – younger and carefree,
Discovering, even defining each other.
I see that we have come a long way,
A crazy sister and a crazier brother.
I look into the cauldron and see beautiful strands,
Of moments when we met and walked apart.
They thump somewhere deep inside me,
In that hallowed place they call my heart.
I see that dazzling dimpled smile of yours,
A shot of adrenaline when I felt down and low.
An elixir of energy, an antidote to gloom,
A simple answer to my every woe.
I have often pondered over the power of that smile,
Perhaps it draws it from the innocence within.
Vivisecting every single atom of the body,
Bewitching me to unknowingly let it in.
A thousand stories stay woven in that smile,
By now, even those stories are my friends.
And they promise to be – with me and within me,
Till the last minute, in this life, my body spends.
There were times when you were difficult to handle,
Oscillating dangerously between anger and defeat.
I took wild rides in the world of your emotions,
with passion replacing logic at the driver’s seat.
You made me see through your eyes,
You made me walk in your shoes.
I strolled through your world in amazement,
Dressed and drenched in your hues and blues.
Before you met and unstoppered me,
I was a fool locked inside my coy arrogance.
I struggled to string work and leisure together,
With you, I meandered through both with elegance.
I see how you grew from strength to strength,
Becoming the incredible person that you are.
I see you falter, even fall – and stand up again,
Your feet ready to go and eyes looking far.
I see my life coloured in a million shades,
By that one bold stroke of your brush.
The warmth of your presence beckoning to me,
And my hypnotised self succumbing to the rush.
With you, I learnt about this new kind of love,
That changed and challenged all my notions.
It stood – firmly rooted in its own simplicity,
Watered by a never-ending shower of emotions.
It was a feeling I had never felt before,
Something alien and unknown to me.
It was as if my soul was learning to fly,
Out in the open, uninhibited and free.
This love didn’t mind playing the second fiddle,
It didn’t grudge waiting in a queue.
Not that it was a coward and had no respect,
It was simply so much in awe of you.
It knew its time to appear was in the dark,
When it would be the only light that’s shining.
It couldn’t always drive the clouds off the sky,
But it knew how to be the silver lining.
What is it that made this love so beautiful?
What is it that has made it endure?
What has kept it so alive in our hearts,
That it continues to inspire and allure?
The most addictive kind of love is the one,
Which makes you feel beautiful from the inside.
The act of loving then outranks the object of love,
And the motive for love is just brushed aside.
You made me believe in this kind of love,
You became a canvas for its most priceless art.
And this love indeed brought together,
Two people, who otherwise, were worlds apart.
You were a mathematician’s prized theorem,
I was, back then, an unsolved equation.
You were a colosseum of passion and energy,
I was still a monument in creation.
You were the world’s most silken fabric,
I was a yarn of wool waiting to be spun.
You were a storm – fierce and irresistible,
I was a mirage projected by the sun.
And yet meeting each other seemed as natural,
As the breath that goes in and comes out as voice,
It was something which was just meant to happen,
It was like life secretly exercising its choice.
You filled each unforgiving minute –
With sixty seconds of your magical charm.
How time flew when you were around!
Excitement breaking through the walls of calm.
You don’t get to choose your family,
And though, doting and caring, they are too few.
Friends are the choices you get to make –
living projections of all that’s good or bad in you.
And so, we chose each other – and still do,
Whether it be by design or destiny.
By being with you, almost miraculously
I let myself become a bit more of me.
You gave me the freedom to express myself
You taught me to excel rather than just exceed.
Your presence brought out the best in me,
And I longed for it with an almost sinful greed.
I struggle to remember how your presence felt –
Was it like a breath of fresh liberating air?
Like cold water trickling down a thirsty throat,
Or a child cuddling his favourite teddy bear?
Whatever it was – it was beautiful and magical,
It was assuring, arousing and beyond imagination.
It somehow made me feel special and wanted,
Basking and reveling in its illumination.
It made me very conscious of what I was,
And what I still needed to become.
You were like a huge mirror put before me,
You were the voice in which I heard myself hum.
But let me stir that cauldron further,
As its steam rises and settles like mist.
Between the swirls and spirals of that steam,
Our friendship thrives and we exist.
It thrives between love and loved ones,
It thrives amidst our conversations and solitude.
It thrives in our inspirations and fills our voids,
It thrives in our purpose and drives our fortitude.
It thrives behind the masks we cover our faces with
It thrives beneath the many caps that cover our heads.
It thrives like a beautiful stubborn fairytale,
Fighting the reality it secretly dreads.
It thrives across two continents and thousands of miles,
Across half the globe, and seven seas.
It thrives inside my head, and at my fingertips,
Through my spine, and within my knees.
It thrives between our success and failures,
It thrives between our hopes and regrets.
It thrives like a foetus in the womb of our worlds,
Within you, within me – it silently begets.
I often see you leaping out from random people,
In the naughty twinkle of their eyes.
I see you in the queenly swagger they walk with,
And in the cute pout behind which they hide their lies.
And then, I recollect how maddeningly beautiful,
It all looks – when put together inside you.
That I would miss the beauty of a face,
which was once so familiar – I had no clue.
That touch on the shoulder, that wink of an eye.
Those marathon phone calls, those incessant pings.
You taught me that life wasn’t about taking giant strides,
But in feeling the magic of these little things.
I spoke with silence and you still listened,
I listened with passion even when you didn’t speak.
Becoming each others’ remedy-aunts and saviours,
One acting stronger when the other felt weak.
I felt secure in the embrace of your friendship
Before it I was fractionated in truth and faithlessness.
But without you I must tremble and fumble,
Trying to synchronise with this incompleteness.
I hug you even when you are not there,
And you hug me back when my mind needs healing.
You are not just a person who lives and breathes –
You are a thought, a memory, a feeling.
Our subtle exchanges of warmth and love,
Have made me a better person than I could ever be.
And while with me, you made life full of meanings
Today, as you step ahead, you leave it empty.
But step ahead you certainly must…
Onto this beautiful journey of togetherness.
With a new form of love as your companion,
Towards fulfilment and towards happiness.
Out of yesterday’s silhouettes, you step today –
Into the sunshine of a glowing, welcoming tomorrow.
Out of your home – your father’s handsome den,
Into the cosiness of your own cute little burrow.
You step ahead to light with your brilliance,
The wistful lamps of another house.
After proving yourself as an amazing daughter,
To prove it again at being a spouse.
But, with every step ahead, you step away too
Though it’s not the stepping away that causes pain.
What kills me, stifles me and smothers me
Is the hope of finding a friend like you ever again.
There will be that moment every single day –
A moment I will struggle to untangle myself from.
When I will be visited and revisited by your memories
Feeling your loss in its purest form.
I have no tears to shed today,
I will save them for what I know will follow.
With you, my biggest defence is now gone,
I stand stripped bare – naked and hollow.
I look back longingly into my cauldron,
Wanting to steal that bit of you I see.
But deep down I know that it’s just a reflection
And that bit thrives through our friendship inside me.
Years later, I will be just a face and a name,
Fighting to survive, with stronger things in your mind.
But when shaken, broken or in doubt – look around,
I will be there to hold you, somewhere behind.
May love pervade and permeate through your life
May you find all that your heart secretly seeks.
And remember, somewhere your name is being spoken
In every prayer that a man who sees you in a cauldron speaks.
NISHANK MEHTA | 24.05.2015